Confused....

I am at a cross road where I don't really know what I should do with my life right now.

I always wondered why God wanted me out of SAP when I was doing just fine there... with lots of good friends and a rather decent salary. Now I am stuck with looking for another job again. I know I should leave it to Him to arrange for me a wonderful job.. but I can't help but have doubts. Haiz..

The walk of a Christian life is really never easy. It's really hard to just simply fall back on God for everything, but this is exactly what He wants me to do. I'll somehow gotta find the strength in me to pull myself up and continue believing in Him.

Oh well.. I can't think of much to write now.. But I just wanna let you all know that I'm not dead yet, still pretty much alive, but because of a sudden bout of depression, I've become a hermit in hiding..

So please pray for me people.

Shalom.



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Fully surrendered to you, my Lord.

Happy New Year!!

It's the year 09! Finally another new year. 08 had been a year full of pleasant and some not very pleasant surprises. As I sit here, jobless and waiting for God to send a super duper good job over to me, I reflect on the nice things that happened in 08.

In 08, I made some very good friends, eg. Gwen, Janet, Alex, Alvin, Richie.. These are friends who provided non stop entertainment whenever I'm bored.

I've also managed to pay off some old debts and incur even lesser new ones.

I've started attending church again, and have been going to God for every aspect of my life.

As I reflect on some past mistakes, although some were pretty painful, it's still a good lesson learned and I'll try and refrain from making the same mistakes again.

So for my 09 resolutions..

1. Walk right with God, attend church and LISTEN

2. Save even more money and not touch it. My house is going to be completed either at the end of 09 or the start of 10. I won't wanna live in a house without any furniture but a bed

3. Not incur any credit card debts

4. Learn a new language, or a new sport, or a new something something

5. Get myself a permanent job. No more contract jobs if possible

6. Start losing weight and eating right in preparation for a baby. (not yet, but it's always good to have your body at it's optimum)

7. Keep my room clean and neat

8. Limit my KFCs to once a month only

9. Love my family even more. Appreciate them for who they are, cause even though we will never be apart, there's no reason for treating them for granted

10. Give more love to Jackye. Frankly, I'm all he's got

Happy New Year to you all and may your coming year be a year full of love and abundance!


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Fully surrendered to you, my Lord.

When faced with problems, turn to the cross.

I have been asked to tender in my resignation today. On Christmas Eve. What happened was that I had a minor run in with the company's Receptionist who then blew up the entire issue and somehow I don't know what happened, I was asked to resign because I had violated the regulations of being disrespectful to a colleague in the work place.

I have to admit that I'm still feeling extremely sore from this incident, but I trust that God has better plans for me. The Receptionist of that company said that I shouted at her and I was the one who was coming onto her very strongly and my tone of voice was very nasty. I didn't do all these.

My God is my judge, and I rest in the knowledge that those who have lied and backstabbed me, will get their punishments somehow.

I was watching Passion Of Christ again just now. I have learnt that this will too, come to pass. As long as I keep believing in God, good things are more to come. It is not a good feeling to be wronged, I give that, But trust in Him, for He will make all things right. Who knows? God put me there just so that I can renew my faith and my love for Him again.

The next job He gives me, will be even better. So much better! I'd be blown away by what I'm going to get! Jesus is my Provider!

People, watch this space. I''ll update you all on what I've been blessed with. I know, it'll be sooner than later that I get a new job. And a super good one too! I know if it were not for this incident that happened, I wouldn't have rekindled my relationship with God, and this is exactly what He wants! If anyone you who are in any similar position as me, you who have been wronged, been misunderstood by your colleagues, facing oppresion in your work place, your family life, your love life, take heart. God is here, He will put things right for you, just keep believing, praying and declaring the blessings of God. Everything will fall nicely into place for you.

Shalom, and Blessed Christmas!
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Fully surrendered to you, my Lord.

God sees favour in me.

I am feeling so much better today. Thanks to the cell group I went last night. I learnt about Solomon, and how he had all the riches in the world, yet he still felt empty.

I'm not saying that we all should lead improvished lives. We are all rich in the blessings of the Lord ok! What I'm saying is.. All the material things in this world should never rule over you. Can you bring them with you after you die? Even if you can, what for? In heaven. your house is made of solid Gold and decorated with all the jewels you can imagine. Even some plants there are made of Jade! What's a Gucci or LV bag to God?

A few months ago, I went on a spending spree. I spent every single cent I earn. In the end, I had to dig into my savings account to last me to the end of the month. Each month, I am broke, but I thought I was happy. Wrong. I was only happy for the first 1,2 weeks after buying the bag/item, but after that, I had to live with the foolishness of my decision. Now if you ask me, I still get the occasional urge to buy something that costs me about $1000+. But I ask myself, is there really a need to do so? What kind of image do I want to project to others if they see me carrying such a bag? What do I gain from this? I realised, I just wanted to show off.

I just wanted to show others that I'm earning enough to be able to afford this very expensive item. I wanted others to think I am holding a high position job, where in fact, in my lowest, I had to pump shit from the toilet as part of my job scope. (I shall never go into that) But, can you imagine a Prada carrying, suit wearing girl pumping the toilet in her heels? *faints* So anyway, my point is, I wanted to buy a "feel good feeling" This feeling enpowers me, and with me and my Gucci/Prada bag, I feel I can face the world. People will see me with new found respect. (Get real ok) Let me tell you why it's such a stupid thinking. I feel like a mini bimbo now.

1. This feeling lasts you till you find out you only have $2 in your wallet. And $1.56 left in your account.

2. You start wondering if you should sell your bag, and when you decide to do so (cause you so obviously need the money) you realise that people will only buy your bag at less than half of what you paid for it. !##$%%^$# right?

3. You have to resort to borrowing money from your friends. Then you have to return it when you have money the next month. But because you have so many debts to return, you end up being poor again.

4. This is the main reason why we shouldn't allow it to rule our head. Jesus is our main provider. He is all we need. Jesus already bought you the "feel good feeling" when He died on the cross for you. You don't need to have to resort to buying material things to make yourself feel good because when you have God, you automatically feel good inside. Granted, there are days when you feel like a total shit. Trust me, my mood swings are very very severe. But you see, I allowed Satan to rob me of my happiness when I stopped reading the bible or stopped talking to God. But whenever I do so, my heart finds peace and I naturally look at things the other way, the more positive way. I no longer become so negative, but see every negativity as a opportunity to learn something and then turn it into something positive. I focused on the things that really mattered to me. Which is to clear all my debts and seeing my bank account grow. My finances is in the hands of my God. Why? Because whatever He gave me, He can take it away from me just as easily too.

But, know that in this world, when we have Jesus, we have no lack for anything.


Plan your life as if you're going to live forever, but live your life as if you're going to die tomorrow.

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Fully surrendered to you, my Lord.

Where Sin Increase, Grace Super Abounds.

Please don't take it literally, but understand the deeper meaning.

It means, when people sin, (which all do it all the time) we receive even more grace and from there we will see the true love of God. He still loves us even though we are imperfect by worldly standards. In His eyes, by His standards, He sees us perfect, for we are covered by the blood of Jesus, who is blameless and sinless. Amen to that!

I thank God for sending small blessings into my way. I've been offered a tuition job for a student living near me. I'm happy! Coz it means I get to save on transport while still earning extra pocket money!! Happiness!!

God has indeed kept true of His promises to me. He allowed me to go through trials and tribulations. But He also showed me, that if I remained steadfast in my faith, He will bless me even more abundantly.

Hallelujah!



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Fully surrendered to you, my Lord.

A new me.

Dear All,

the handful of you who have been reading my blog. Sorry, but there will be no more cussing and I've decided to "grow up" and renew my faith in my relationship with the one person most important to me now.

As I sit here and type, my eyes can't help but water and I feel as if I just wanna break down and cry. Well, I've just started a new job and honestly, it's not starting as well as I thought it would be. I had a minor run in with the Receptionist of the company. And her being the recep, news of our run in spread like wild fire. Unable to do anything about it, I turned to God. It's because of this, I renewed my faith, and my love for God. (so it's somewhat a blessing in disguise)

Isaiah 54:17 says, "17No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD." (King James Version)

I believe, that with God, all things are possible. Everything that I'm going through now is just temporary, and that He will take care of everything. I'm still discouraged, but I am slowly finding strength in God and my friends. I refuse to let the evil Satan take away my joy and my peace. I thank God for Janet. Once, I was strong for her. And now, she is helping me along the way, letting me know that I should take comfort in knowing that God once suffered the same thing as me. His was on a bigger scale by the way. But knowing that when he died, he borne all my sins and my sufferings, He alone took it upon Himself, therefore I shall never ever live in self condemnation. My life is set apart, through His Holiness, and I shall achieve greater things, even greater than I've ever dreamt of.

I believe in you, Jesus. He is my God, forever.

For some of you, I know that it's a big big difference from what I used to type in my blog. I've deleted those past entries, but kept some more recent ones so that one day, I'll be able to read through again and see how much I've changed, for the better. No point keeping the past. I've already moved on and don't want to be constantly reminded of the bad times. I'm renewed, and refreshed.

I will be, and am a better person now, because I have Jesus.

Spread the joy, for we have the one thing in this world that is so fabulous, no one can ever fathom it's greatness.






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Surrendered fully to you, my Lord.

10 things that makes me happy.

Have you ever stayed home on a Sunday and wondered what exactly makes you happy? What are the things that makes you laugh makes you smile and feel generally happy? With the recent recession, it's harder to spot smiles on people's faces. Laughter is something almost forbidden when you're outside. Many have lost their life savings. Many have lost enough money to buy a 3 room flat. But despite all the gloom, I'm sure there must be things that still makes you smile. Anyway, it's only money. Whatever you've lost, you're surely bound to earn some of it back. It takes time, of course, no one said it is going to be easy. Now, here are 10 things that still keeps me smiling and laughing during this times of unease.

1) My family. My parents never fail to show their love for us in many many small ways. Every weekend we will have loads of food brought back from the market. It will always consist of our fav foods. My siblings, never fail to make me laugh whenever we get together. We always talk as if we're talking in our own groups of friends and we're always comfortable sharing secrets with one another. My granny, although naggy, loves to pamper me with loads of good food. (this explains my size) She sometimes makes me laugh by telling me stories from the past. My maid, forever forgetful, though sometimes annoying at times. But she's efficient in her work and has done a lot for our family. Jackye, my source of constant laughter and smiles. Although he is sooo naughty most of the time, he never fail to make me laugh with his ever silly face. I love him to bits no matter how mischievous he is.

2) ZW. I don't even know where to start on this. He can really make me sooooo pissed until I can really jump off a building. But when he acts silly and sings in his horrible out of tune voice.. I can't help but laugh.

3) Sun tanning. Bet you didn't expect this. Yep, suntanning makes me happy. What I won't give for an afternoon in the sun, with a trashy girly novel, my Banana Boat suntanning oil, my Gucci shades, my Mp3 and a water bottle filled with icy cold water. I love the warmth of the sun, the after effect of a good tanning session. Blissful!!

4) KFC. I have to say this. I really love KFC! I could eat KFC every week and not feel sick of it. If anything, I wish to be their ambassador. LOL!!

5) My great collection of music. I have a very diversified taste for music. It depends a lot on mood. But I love my collection all the same. It makes me happy when I listen the right songs at the right mood.

6) My books. I can spend a whole weekend reading. Just doing nothing but reading. I feel happy when I've finally finish reading a book. I was reading the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye. It's a total of 11 books and it really kept me up all night. But I was extremely happy when I finished it, although I feel the last ending could be a lot better.

7) Work. Although there are times where I just want to quit and tell them all to screw themselves, I'm just grateful and happy that I'm employed and earning money. I should learn how to count my blessings and not take things for granted.

8) My savings. Although not alot, I know that I have some spare cash around to be able to fall back on.

9) Friends. I have supportive friends who are always lending me a listening ear when I need to rant. They never fail to make me laugh when they start talking nonsense. It can be very "wu liao" la, but still, sometimes you just wanna rest your brain and talk a bit of nonsense. I am also happy to hear their worries, their rants and raves because you know, a friendship shd always work both ways.

10) God. I don't need much explaining on this. Because when you have God in your life, everything falls nicely into place. And although my job is on the line now, I constantly reassure myself that God is there to take care of it all for me. Afterall, who can take away what has God given me?

My point of this blog people, is to tell you that although times are bad, you can always find ways to make yourself happy. What is the point of being upset/worried and affecting those around you as well? Remember, you're not in this alone. It's not fair to let your moodiness affect those around you who love and care for you. Sometimes, it's the littlest things in life that really makes you happy. So stop being upset, be happy and smile!

This too, shall pass.


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Make Love, lots of it. Not War.